I usually do a big blog post recapping my year and what happened each month with pictures and great memories…but this year as I’ve reflected on 2021, I really don’t want to relive it.
Behind my smile was a lot of tears. A lot of health issues for me and Camille. A lot of regret, confusion, depression, anxiety, fear, uncertainty. 2 surgeries to recover from. A lot of life changes (some good, but change is still challenging either way). A lot of questioning myself and my life in general.
I’m happy, seemingly. I got my dream car and dream house this year. I got the plastic surgery that I have wanted for a long time. I’ve been able to stay home with my babies. I’ve grown my business and grown a community of like-minded individuals. I found a new hobby that I love with modeling. I’ve met so many incredible people and made so many great connections.
However, we are still living in a global pandemic. Yes, I stay home with my babies, but as great as that is, it’s still mentally and physically exhausting. I didn’t meet my income goal this year. I didn’t meet my weight loss goal this year. I’ve lost friends. Relationships have been strained. I’ve realized that my mental health issues might be more severe than I thought. I’ve neglected a lot of things in the past several months because I’ve just been too overwhelmed.
So I’ve been to therapy. I’ve started to see a Psychiatrist to figure out what exactly is going on and to try get a correct combination of medicine working for me. I bought the Peloton so I can be more active with no excuses.
I know my children deserve a mom at her best. My husband deserves a wife at her best. The world deserves me to be an encouraging, inspiring light to all.
So I will not give up. I will not quit.
I’m going to keep going. No matter how difficult that is right now.
There’s still work to be done. I woke up today for a reason and so did you.
If you’ve ever scrolled through social media and been jealous, envious, whatever, I just want you to remember that social media is only a small portion of someone’s life. A smile is not the whole story. Not even close. As much as I try to keep it real, I also don’t want to be a bummer and bring everyone down. I try to keep it positive even when I’m drowning. And I think we should keep that in mind for every single person online.
I have no resolutions or goals for 2022. I’m just hoping to do what’s best for my mental and physical health this year, be a great mom to my kids, continue strengthening my relationship with my husband, and end 2022 feeling a whole lot better about myself than I did at the start.
All that being said, thank you for being here with me in this online space and for cheering me on in 2021. I hope you’ll stay on this journey with me in 2022. I have no idea what’s in store, but it can only go up from here, right?